Today I Asked For Help
Today I asked for help. I haven’t felt this weak and drained in such a long time; it was so intense that I was lost in my mind for hours. I thought a long walk would tire me out, rest my hyperactive brain and allow me to calm the tornado inside my head. I suppose it worked in a way, I am calmer, and sad. As I lie here staring up at the shimmering blue sky above me contrasted only by the clean white clouds, I ask for strength. I’ve been lay here for a long time now, staring at that beautiful sapphire sky, hoping that something magical would come from above and cleanse me, or at least give me a modicum of respite from this agony. In the distance I saw the sun shining through the clouds, its golden tendrils reaching majestically down to earth, it looked so inviting, so warm, but then I realised how far away I am and suddenly my hope disintegrated only to be replaced by a bitter disappointment. I wanted those fiery fingers to come down and bathe me, to heat my insides and melt the ice away. I wanted to be chosen for salvation but today was not the day, the same as every day before it. I watched painfully as the sky chose another place to bless and the emptiness within me throbbed harder and harder following the tempo of the beat of my heart. Today I asked for help, I asked for strength and for courage. I can feel my will slowly draining away; I can feel the tears behind my eyes and the numbness setting into my limbs. I just need to get through this barrier and I will be in control again. Until then I will keep moving forward, always forward, never stop. Please give me the strength and the courage, I know this is my cross, and mine alone to bear, I don’t expect rescue, but I rarely ask for help. I can do this.